When I was a little girl, through my teens, and as a young mom, I used to make things; lots of things! From drawing to sewing to embroidery and to pretty much anything that caught my interest I’d DO it. I never wondered much about what other people thought about my projects, unless they were gifts, but everyone seemed to enjoy them. I always thought of myself as a “creative type.”
Then one day I realized that it had been many, many years since I did anything really very creative, although I suppose gardening and making holidays magic for my family would count. But I’m talking about actually sitting down and working on making a tangible thing for pleasure. I did start learning to make beaded jewelry a few years ago and enjoyed it, but I have that terrible disease, you know, the one where you decide to do something and if it’s not perfect you say, “Oh, well, I guess that’s not my thing.” Ouch! So my beads have been sitting in a bin with only themselves for company.
It seems, though, that in the past few months I’ve found myself longing to just make something. It’s felt like a real hunger and one that caused a lot of frustration. I keep trying to ask myself what I’d be good at. (This is not something I ever thought earlier in my life when I’d just DO whatever I thought of.)
Then a couple of weeks ago I was in an art supplies store and noticed that they offer classes. (I’ve actually been there a lot of times and always noticed they offered classes!) This time though, without giving it a lot of thought (that’s an “aha” moment!) I signed up for a class on paper marbling! (I’ve recently discovered that paper marbling can be astoundingly beautiful.) When I was registering for that class, I noticed another one they offered sooner, one on book making. Why not, went my brain, without wondering how the heck you make a book anyhow! It was so far out of any experience I’ve ever had I just decided to take the class, with no expectation that anything particularly good would come out of it. Well, to make a long story a little bit shorter, the class was last Sunday and I LOVED it! I even love the book, a journal, I made! Oh, it’s not perfect, but unlike other times in my life I don’t care! And I want to make another one and then another and ….. Just for my own joy, without any other reason.
I have no expectations for this other than I think I’m going to get a lot of satisfaction. And I’ve already gotten some of my beads out again! You know what? I think I had forgotten what fun feels like!! I’m so glad to be finding out again.